The rollercoaster continued: We would thoroughly enjoy the moments we would have with Mark, but then also hate thinking about possibly losing him. We didn’t want to be blind to reality, yet we also didn’t want it to spoil our first few days with Mark. The only thing that stood out that day was the e-mail summary from our attorney. Here is an excerpt:
As you know, apparently when the birth mother contacted American adoptions, she was apparently less than clear on who the birth father was. When I was contacted to handle this case as the birth mother was having her baby, apparently the birth mother was still saying she was unsure as to who the birth father was. She would not give me a name. When I went to see the birth mother at the hospital after she had her baby she still would not give me a name. Apparently the day after I saw her in the hospital, I was informed by both Lara and the Blakemore's that a gentleman showed up at the hospital and said he might be the father. The Blakemore's were there.
As we were preparing for her on Monday, I was contacted by American adoptions again stating that a gentleman called the agency and said he thought he might be the father. He wanted blood tests. The agency felt that perhaps things could be worked out with this gentleman. The agency told me that if he was the father he would just like letters and pictures. The agency gave this gentleman my name and number. The agency told me about this and I contacted the person. She told me about a meeting she had over the weekend with a gentleman who she thought might be the father. Based on the way she stated this and based upon her previous comment about the gentleman who showed up at the hospital probably not being the father, I thought that perhaps the gentleman she talked to over the weekend was someone else. As I talked more to both American adoptions and the birth mother over the course of Monday morning, I realized that both gentlemen were in fact the same person. He called me and related the fact that he thought he might be the father. He said he wanted blood tests. I tried to guide the conversation by affirming that I had talked to American adoptions about his conversation with them. I tried to further guide the conversation by expressing our appreciation for his willingness to work with us (further referring to his statement to American adoptions that he just wanted letters and pictures). Unfortunately, he didn't take the guidance. He suggested that if the baby was his he wanted the child. He then told me that he was represented by an attorney. I was extremely respectful but I explained to him that if he is represented by an attorney, I could no longer talk directly to him. He immediately stated that he wasn't represented by an attorney but was thinking about one he would hire. Still, I told him once he mentioned the fact that he had an attorney or was considering hiring an attorney I could no longer talk directly to him. I made it perfectly clear to him that I was not trying to be difficult. He understood completely.
I discuss all of this with the Blakemore's in detail before the act of surrender. They understood and were comfortable with proceeding. I explained to them that if we end up having to fight, that would be a separate legal matter involving separate and additional legal fees. They understood completely. I was still hoping this would all go away. Wade, as you and Lara know, a significant number of the alleged birth fathers that claim they want to object to an adoption at the last second of the adoption, simply disappear. Unfortunately, I do not think this gentleman will just disappear. As I explained to the Blakemore's yesterday, an attorney contacted me on Tuesday and said that he was retained by this gentleman. Again he reiterated the fact that they wanted blood tests. (I will explain why I keep bringing up the issue of blood tests shortly). He said he would send me a letter to that effect. I again attempted to guide the conversation by suggesting that I understand his fear, that I will do everything I can to alleviate his fear, and that I would work with him in any way I could (for example, have him meet with the adopting couple, get him pictures and letters) if we could work out the adoption. Again, he did not take the opportunity to follow my guidance in this matter. He said that his client is not in favor of the adoption if the baby is his.
Since I have not had any involvement with this birth mother prior to her having the child, I can not evaluate the social history of the birth mother that got us to where we are now. We can only go with the cards that are on the table now.
Now some detail and analysis as to where we go from here: There is a lot of good news. First, I have explained to the Blakemore's that just because he says the child is his doesn't mean it's so. Even if he is the father, he has to pass to other substantial hurdles to prevent the adoption. Again I have explained these hurdles. Most importantly, he will have to show what active and substantial steps he has taken during the birth mother's pregnancy and since the birth of the child to assume his parental responsibilities. The law requires substantial personal and financial involvement during the pregnancy. The birth mother has told me on several occasions that whoever the birth father is, none of the possibilities have been substantially personally financially involved in her life during her pregnancy. Assuming Mr. "X" admits this; his only defense would be that he did not know about the pregnancy. This is a weak defense on several fronts. First of all, it lays him wide open for some very damaging cross-examination ("so you slept with her nine months ago and never chose to check on her?" or "you slept with her nine months ago, you say you want to be a father and yet he never even called her to see how your child was doing?” etc.). Beyond this, I think I can have him walk down the path of never really expecting the fact that this was his child by bringing up the issue of him constantly requesting blood tests. This certainly would be considered something less than a substantial commitment to the child. In other words, I want the Blakemore's to know that I will fight for them as hard as I know how. I want them to remember that I do know adoptions and that I will be there for them. I know there will be extra attorney fees and I am sorry about that, but I will fight for them.
Should anyone have any questions, please feel free to contact me. I will be talking to you soon and I will be keeping everyone informed.
Michael T.
We were appreciative of the summary, but it didn’t exactly help us relax. We did all we could to try to not let it ruin our time with Mark—but hotel rooms in strange cities aren’t very conducive for this.
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